


A New Me

by Itsnotokaysammy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Sam, Coming Out, Denial of Feelings, Emotionally Repressed, Fluff, Homophobic John Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, LGBTQ Themes, Light Angst, M/M, Season/Series 11 Spoilers, brief mention of the voicemail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 03:09:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6498442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itsnotokaysammy/pseuds/Itsnotokaysammy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is acting strangely happy recently and sneaks out at night. Dean decides to adress him and finds out something new about his brother. Will Dean accept Sam's new lifestyle, or leave him like John always told him he would ?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A New Me

It started a few weeks ago that Sam Winchester started acting odd. Of course, Dean had noticed, but couldn't explain his brother's sudden change of mood. Their life hadn't exactly shown mercy on them in the past decades, and especially not now with the devil and the darkness on eath, wanting nothing more than to get rid of the Winchesters and their best friend gone. With that in the back of his mind the oldest had no idea what made Sam feel so relaxed and open with the world coming to it's end (again). But if he thought about it, Sam seemed happy - truly happy - and that was all that mattered, so he shouldn't care about the reason.

But he still felt this itch under his skin that demanded to get scratched.

 

It started a few weeks ago that it seemed that Sam Winchester started to get in peace with himself, and the rest of the world. He would make breakfast (which was awfully healthy much to Dean's dislike), get more involved in hunts, sleep more than usual for him and even laugh at Dean's most stupid jokes. He seemed overall happy.

Dean knew something was off.

Not that he didn't allow Sam to be happy, but with their souls older than their body and monsters still on earth, he doubted one would be able to just forget about all the shit they went through, overnight. So something must have happened, that gave hope to his little brother , without him noticing.

He knew something like this wouldn't just happen without Dean knowing about it.So Sam must have hidden it from him on purpose. Not once had it turned out good when they hid something from the other one. Dean's stomach twisted when he thought about the mess they both left behind just because they felt the need to keep secrets to their own. There were so many times where they could have prevent things from getting worse, if they had told each other. They could have prevented Lucifer from rising, if Sam had told Dean about the demon blood. They could have prevented their arguments, if Dean had told Sam about Benny. They could have prevented Charlie's death if Sam had told Dean about the book of the damned. They could have prevented freeing Lucifer 2.0, if Dean had told Sam about his bond with Amara. But then again they couldn't have prevented these things because it was never up to them to decide their fate.

* * *

Dean came home from a supply run when he saw Sam in the library, phoning someone and smiling to himself. He tried to make out his words but as soon as Sam noticed his presence, he quickly said goodbye and hung up. He put his phone away and greeted Dean casual after taking the book that laid on the table in front of him and opening it on a random page. Well if that wasn't suspious. The older brother decided he had to take matters into his own hands and ask Sam what was going on. Of course he could just sneak around in Sam's stuff and find out himself but he didn't want to loose his brother's trust again. With everything going on, he was glad they had been able to rebuild their bond.

Dean put the bags away, went back into the library and sat across from his partner, staring at him intensively. That made Sam look up from the book with a questioning, yet expectant face.

"So", Dean began unsure "you wanna tell me something?"

At that Sam let go of his hold on the book and looked his brother right in the eyes. After a moment of silence he said: "Uh no? Not really.."

Dean raised one eyebrow. "No? Because I've noticed something is off with you. Now, I'd like you to tell me what you are hiding, so I don't have to find out on my own."

"Sorry but I have no idea what you are talking about. I'm not hiding _anything_." This time it was Sam staring at Dean, as if he had grown a second head.

Allthough they both kept their voices low until now, Dean decided to raise the volume a bit. "C'mon Sam, what is it with you? You are acting so happy lately -"

"Oh so I'm not allowed to be happy ?"

"'Course you are, that's not what I meant but... for example, who was that on the phone earlier huh? Why did you hang up as soon as I got in?"

"That is none of your god damn business!" , Sam yelled and left the room.

Dean stayed in his seat, sighing. This wasn't supposed to end like this. But Sam clearly didn't want Dean to know who he was phoning. Why did it upset him so much? There wasn't anyone Sam knew, who Dean didn't, or was there? Then a thought occured to Dean as he remembered all the times he would sneak out of the bunker and come back in the middle of the night. He felt the colour leaving his face. He always thought Sam would just go into a bar or go for a walk to clear his mind when he couldn't sleep. But if it was _that -_ if it was what he thought it was, he had to be careful.

He walked down the corridor, about to go into his room and get some sleep, when he changed his mind and knocked on his little brother's door.

"Sam? You still awake?"

When he didn't get answer he tried to open the door only to find that it was locked. Sam only ever locked his door when he was pissed.

"Well in case you are, I just wanted to let you know that you can come to me if you want to talk about this." 

Dean stayed a bit longer behind the door to see if he would get a response. When he didn't get one and just heard the rustle of bedsheets he went to his own room and got to bed.

He couldn't sleep that night.

* * *

The next day went by as if nothing had happened, except for Sam avoiding Dean's gaze sometimes. The Winchesters spent the day, researching for a way to get Lucifer out of Cas - or Cas out of Lucifer. Without success.

At 6 Pm the younger one decided it was time for him to go get some food. Half an hour later he returned with a salad for him and a burger and pie for his older brother. They sat in silence and ate their food in the kitchen. One could feel the tension in the room, easily. Sam wriggled on his chair nervously, and Dean knew he was about to mention yesterday's conversation but decided to give him time to settle and instead focussed on his pie. It was only a few minutes later that Sam dared to speak.

"Dean about what you said yesterday.... There really is something I want to tell you. i just uh didn't know how... Not that i know now but I don't wanna lie anymore"

Sam looked him in his eyes for the first time that day. He looked so scared and worried, but also young in the dim light. But Sam wasn't the only one afraid of what to come. Dean was beyond terrified that his apprehension may come true. The apprehension that Sam's recent behaviour is somehow connected to _demon blood._ He swallowed down the lump forming in his throat and gestured Sam to contiue.

Sam stilled for a moment and then carefully chose his words before speaking them. Never in his life had Sam ben this afraid of saying those few words. Dean probably aleady suspected it and just pushed the thought of it away, or wanted Sam to admit it out loud. He should just tell him. He deserves to know, even if he may hate him for that and kick him out or never talk to him ever again... JUST TELL HIM AND ITS OVER. He took a deep breath.

"I'm uh... I'm in a relationship."

"So?"

"-with a guy."

Dean felt relief wash over him that he almost forgot what those words meant. It meant that his little brother was scared to come out to him. It meant that he thought he wouldn't accept him for loving someone from the same gender. But why? Did he ever act homophobe? Lost in his own thoughts he forgot to answer and was probably diving his brother nuts.

"Oh ok. Who is the lucky guy?"

Sam looked at him with disguist shock and confusion. He imagined every reaction possible, but not  _acceptance ._ How could Dean just accept it like that and even want to know who it is. How could he not be disgusted or dissappointed? Sam was confused. He mirrored his emotions and ponted it at Dean.

"What? You just accept this? You don't _hate_ me?"

"Sammy, I could never hate you and especially not for loving someone... '' [except for a demon]

''Now, do you have a picture of your lover boy?"

"Um yeah, wait a second...."

He pulled his phone out of his pants and held it out to Dean after a moment to show him said picture. He looked on the screen, showing a selfie of his brother and a handsome stranger. He looked at him closer. He was probably a bit smaller than Dean, light brown hair in a quiff and green shiny eyes. He couldn't deny that his brother's taste in men was good.  The last thing he couldn't fail to notice was how happy Sam looked.

"His name is Toby.", Dean just nodded and gave the phone back to Sam and whistled.  Sam felt like all the weight on his shoulders just got lifted off him and smiled. Still there was one thing left to clarify.

"But Sam... Why were you so scared to tell me this? Did you really think I would be _mad?"_

"Yeah, I thought you think I'm disgusting, a _freak_ for liking men. I excepted you to never want to talk to me again." , Sam explained with a sad smile.

"Sam who the hell made you believe this bullshit-"

"Dad." *Dead silence*

"Wait, Dad knew?", He nodded, "Yeah he caught me with a boy when I was about 17. He started yelling at me and i tried to explain that this is how I feel, that I like girls _and_ boys but he wouldn't listen and told me that from now on I don't. He wouldn't accept me and said it's unnatural and that it would take me one step closer to the pit. I didn't know what he meant back then but now I know he was talking about Yellow-Eyes. He wasn't exactly wrong, I mean I did end up in hell...", Tears were streaming down his face and Dean felt sick to his stomack to listen to this story, knowing this was exactly what their Dad would have said.

"I didn't know that. I wouldn't -" He tried to reassure Sam but he was interupting him for the 234422. time.

"No, let me finish. So Dad was very mad at me and made sure i wouldn't date another boy again. He said that I should be glad that only he walked in on me, and not you because you would hate me for being 'homosexual' and probably wouldn't see me as your brother anymore but as an abomination. After that I kept dating girls, but I could feel Dad watching me like some kind of monster. But that's nothing new, I guess."

Dean had no idea what to say. He was completely speechless. Yeah, John could be an ass but telling his own son his brother would abandon him for his sexuality? That was one step too far. Sam shouldn't have to restrain his feeling.

"That's why you left and went to Stanford,right?", Dean realized.

"Yeah I just felt like i couldn't be myself with Dad around hating me for this, and the knowlegde of you not accepting me if you knew."

"Sam.... I am so sorry. Dad was a dick for making you believe that. I would never react like that for you having a different sexuality. Never. And I could never hate you for anything. You are forever my pain-in-the-ass- brother... - okay that shouldn't come off like that!"

Sam laughed, his tears long dried and now refreshed with tears of laughter. He knew with his brother accepting his lifestyle, he could finally accept it, too and be in peace with himself.

"I'm really glad you accept this, Dean. Thank you."

"Don't thank me. Not for this. But I will have to meet your boyfriend soon, to make sure that he is treating you right, okay?" Sam rolled his eyes at Dean's overprotectiveness and punched him playfully.

Sam could defenetely live with Dean meeting Toby, if that was all he had to worry about in his relationship. He could use a bit normality.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This story is not betaed yet and there are probably many mistakes in it.  
> I had this story in mind for some time now and I decided to finally write it down. At 3 am.
> 
>  
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated, thank you for reading. :))


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